discipline?

I had hoped that my new room would have wireless internet.
I didn't want to be handicapped by having to go to school for all of my online needs.
Yes! There is an elementary school across the street with unsecured wireless.
No! They have permanently blocked all access to MySpace.com!
Maybe the Lord really is providing...

wake up call

It's time to make some changes.
I've worked and longed and dreamed of getting to where I am,
and I'm letting it slip away.
I know in my heart of hearts that I want to be a student right now.
As my brother says, if I really want to be a student, I need to start acting like one.
The rest of my life has to change to accomodate my dreams.
It will take more sacrifice than simply time and money and focus.
I need to start living the life I feel called to.
I need to cut the crap.

okay.

squishiness

I don't think I'm strong enough.
I feel like I'm made of jelly.
Dad says jelly is okay.
Jelly is resilient.
Jellyfish are flexible.
They have survived for millions of years.
Dad says the book he wants to write is about "Jellyfish theology."

I feel caught up in the current:
swept away with no control.
It's two a.m. and I am drinking a coke.
I know it will keep me up.
I don't care. It comforts me.
I escape with crosswords, suduko, minesweeper, South Park.
I look to MySpace for social affirmation.
I'm a www-dot-jellyfish.

yesterday

yesterday
a classmate had a seizure in the middle of class.
and then he had another.
they held him down, called an ambulance.
and we were shocked and helpless.

sometime in the last few weeks
a heart had a seizure in the middle of love.
and then it had another.
something choked, the breathing stopped.
and I was shocked and helpless.

yesterday
he pulled the plug.
and I feel so relieved.

It is finally over.
It is finally over.